“I wasn’t ready to retire – but I had to care for my parents”
Caring for elderly parents isn’t always part of the plan. For Shelagh Murray, it meant stepping away from a career she loved. After both her mum and dad suffered serious falls, life changed overnight.
Shelagh, 63, from Beverley, East Yorkshire, had built a successful career designing kitchens—but when her parents’ needs became too great, she made the difficult decision to retire early. “I loved my old job and I wasn’t ready to retire,” she explains. “But like lots of carents, I couldn’t juggle being a full-time worker and a full-time carer.”
Her story is far from unique. Each year in the UK, around 400,000 adults leave their jobs to care for older or disabled family members. It’s a decision made quietly, behind closed doors—but one that carries deep emotional and financial consequences.
“The problem many carents face these days is that everyone involved is so much older,” says Shelagh.
“My mum cared for my grandad when she was in her 30s and he was in his 70s. I found myself caring for her when I was in my 60s and she was in her 90s.”
Shelagh tried to explore other options—retirement apartments, paid carers—but nothing felt right. Eventually, her parents moved in with her for four months over winter. “It was really hard,” she says simply.
And that’s a reality many in our Carents community know too well. When you’re supporting elderly parents, especially later in life yourself, the physical and emotional toll can be immense.
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If you’d like to share your experience with the Carents community, we welcome you to get in touch. You don’t need to be a writer – just speak from the heart.
A lifeline during the hardest months
During this time, Shelagh discovered Carents.co.uk. “It just provided me with somewhere to go and talk about my frustrations—and to know I wasn’t alone. Knowing you’re not alone is the most powerful thing.”
For many carents, that sense of solidarity—of being seen—is what makes all the difference. Our online Carents Lounge provides exactly that: a judgement-free space to vent, connect and share experiences.
“That really helped me breathe and get through that difficult time,” Shelagh says.
“It helped me find the space I needed to be able to get to where I am today with the business.”
Returning to work—with purpose
Once her parents moved out, Shelagh returned to another of her passions: nutrition. Having previously retrained as a coach, she launched The Nourishment Coach. “I’d always been interested in a healthy lifestyle—something I got from my mum. The fact she lived into her 90s is testament to that.”
Her business is now thriving. “Thankfully I’m in a position where I can say ‘This is something I’ve always wanted to do – now there’s no reason not to do it.’ But the reality is, becoming a carent can prevent you from working. And that was just devastating for me, as I knew I still had so much to give.”
The bigger picture: a ‘black hole’ in the workforce
Dr Jackie Gray, co-founder of Carents.co.uk and The Carents Room, says Shelagh’s experience is echoed by thousands of others. “For the UK to lose 400,000 capable and skilled people each year is just creating a black hole within the workforce that can’t be filled,” she explains.
“Far more support is needed because—as Shelagh says—becoming a carent can be emotionally and physically exhausting, and it is driving people out of work.”
That’s one of the many reasons Dr Gray launched Carents—to offer practical resources for navigating life as a carent, from understanding how the NHS works to managing financial matters.
“It’s effectively a one-stop shop for adult carers,” she says. “And to date, we’ve helped thousands of carents like Shelagh—whether through resources or simply giving them a space to breathe.”
Feeling seen, heard and supported
Shelagh’s story is one of strength, love and resilience. It also shines a light on the growing need for better infrastructure, understanding and recognition for those quietly holding everything together at home.
Because becoming a carent is rarely a choice. But finding support, whether it be online, in community, and in knowing you're not alone, is.
If you’re caring for elderly parents and feel overwhelmed, know that support is just a click away.
Join the conversation in our Carents Lounge or explore our Resources Hub for guidance that meets you where you are.
